RITUALS FOR REAL LIFE
Rituals if you feel silly doing rituals
No robes, no chanting, no audience. A ritual can just be a small thing you do on purpose, on a day you decided counts.
Most advice on rituals if you feel silly doing them says to push through it. We'd rather make the ritual smaller. If you can do it with a roommate in the next room, it's the right size.
A ritual is only a thing you do on purpose to mark a moment. You already do this. Blowing out birthday candles is a ritual. Nobody feels odd about it because everyone else is doing it too.
Rituals if you feel silly doing them: why it happens
The awkwardness has a simple cause. You're doing something on purpose, with no crowd and no script. Your brain looks for someone to copy and finds nobody.
Three small rules take most of the sting out.
- Keep it short. Five minutes is the ceiling. You can feel silly for five minutes.
- Do something with your hands. Writing, pouring tea or holding a stone gives you a job.
- Say nothing out loud. Spoken words are optional, and they're usually what makes people cringe.
Pick your occasion
Here are three common ones, in their smallest working versions.
What are you marking?
The solstice, in ten quiet minutes
Look up your sunset time. Turn the lights off a little before it and watch the window go dark. Then turn one lamp back on, or light a candle, and make something warm to drink. Write down one thing you're leaving in this year.
The full moon, five-minute version
Find the moon from a window or the back step. Take one slow breath. Write one line: "This month I'm done with..." Finish the sentence, then fold the paper, bin it or keep it. Cloudy? Do it anyway. It's still up there.
New Year, without the resolution
Skip the list. On January 1, write a single direction for the year, like "more outside" or "fewer maybes". Set a reminder for the first of every month to ask how it's going. If it's going badly, change it.
Winter solstice if you're not pagan
The winter solstice falls around December 21. It's the shortest day of the year in the northern hemisphere, and after it the days start getting longer. That's astronomy, so you don't need to sign up for anything.
People have marked this turn for a very long time, and in many places. There's Yule in northern Europe, Dongzhi in China and Yalda in Iran. You can admire those traditions without borrowing them. Your version can be as plain as noticing the dark, then doing something warm about it.
A few ideas that don't need a belief at all:
- Go for a walk at midday and catch what light there is.
- Cook something slow and invite one person.
- Call someone you've been meaning to call.
- Write down what got you through the year, then put it somewhere you'll find it next December.
If you'd like a light in the window that night, a plain candle is all you need.
Intentions you won't quit by February
Resolutions fail in a predictable way. They're a target with a pass or a fail, so the first missed week feels like the end of it. A direction can't be failed, because a bad week is just a week.
- Use a direction. "More outside" can survive February. "Run every day" usually can't.
- Keep it to one. Four intentions are a to-do list.
- Attach it to something real. Keep a small stone or a sticky note where you'll see it, so you don't forget it exists.
- Check in monthly. One line on the first of the month. Change the wording whenever you like.
You could also do this in late December, when it's dark and quiet. The date is only a date, and you can start on a Tuesday in March.
When you'd rather not do it alone
Group rituals can feel easier, since someone else is running them and you can just stand there. See what's on for sound baths, workshops and tarot nights. Some are free. For something smaller and everyday, try our small anchors for loud days.
Questions people ask
What can I do at a full moon if I feel silly doing rituals?
Go to a window, find the moon, and write one line about what you're done with this month. Tear it up or keep it. Five minutes, no words said out loud.
What do I do on the winter solstice if I want to mark it but I'm not pagan?
Notice the day. It falls around December 21, the shortest day of the year here. You don't need a religion for that. Watch the sunset, eat something warm, or call someone.
How do I make New Year's intentions without it being the same resolutions I always quit?
Swap the target for a direction. A resolution has a pass or fail, and one rough week ends it. A direction like "more outside" can survive a bad February.
Why do rituals feel so awkward?
You're doing something unusual on purpose, with nobody showing you how. Most people feel self-conscious at first. Doing it privately and keeping it short takes away most of that.
Do I need crystals or candles for any of this?
No. A pen, a window and a warm drink cover everything here. If you like having something in your hand, a stone from your pocket does nicely.
Where to next
Where the curious become connected.
Rather not do it alone?
We run sound baths, workshops and tarot nights, and you don't have to say a word. See what's on, or drop in and say hi. 396-B Victoria Street North, Kitchener.