SOMETHING IS SHIFTING
Outgrowing your friends, and finding new ones
You changed, or they did, and now the group chat feels like a place you used to live. That's lonely, and it isn't a personality flaw.
Feeling like you're outgrowing your friends is a strange kind of lonely. Nobody did anything wrong. You just sat at dinner, heard the same stories, and felt like you were watching from across the room.
Then the guilt shows up. Am I being a snob? Did I get weird? Probably not. You changed, and that's allowed.
Why outgrowing your friends feels so bad
Old friends knew a version of you. When that version shifts, you can feel like you're losing them and also lying to them. That's a lot for one dinner.
People change at different speeds. A new interest, a move, a kid, a sober year or a hard stretch can all open a gap. You don't need a grand reason, and nobody has to be the villain.
Is it spiritual? Some people find that language useful, and some don't. We can't tell you what yours is. We can tell you it isn't a flaw in your character.
You don't have to break up with anyone
Most friendships don't need an ending. They need a new size.
- See them one-on-one. A group can hold you to an old role. One person often can't.
- Say one true thing. "I've been into something new, and I'd love to tell you about it." Then see what happens.
- Let some be holiday friends. Twice a year is still a friendship.
- Stop auditioning. If you always leave drained, you can go less often. No announcement required.
If you feel disconnected and bored, and nothing is wrong
This one's hard to explain to people, because on paper everything is fine. You might hear it called an awakening, or overthinking. There's no test that can sort those out, and we won't pretend otherwise.
So skip the label for now and get curious instead. These might get you started.
Honest questions for a flat week
- When did you last lose track of time? What were you doing?
- Who do you leave feeling more like yourself?
- What do you keep saying you'll try, and haven't?
- What would you stop doing if nobody noticed?
- What were you into at 14 that you dropped?
- Who would you text if you could say how you're really doing?
- What part of your week would you keep exactly as it is?
How to actually meet people
Friends mostly come from seeing the same faces again. One big night out rarely does it. Boring advice, but it holds up.
- Pick one recurring thing. A class, a club, a volunteer shift. Go three times before you judge it.
- Pick something with a task. Cracking a geode gives you something to talk about besides yourself.
- Say one small thing. "Have you been to this before?" is plenty.
- Make the small ask. After a couple of visits, suggest a coffee after.
We run a few things like this at the shop. Our events page lists sound baths, tarot and oracle nights and a tarot deck exchange night. You'll also find workshops, free geode cracking days and Soulful Soirée talks. Some are free and some are paid. The deck exchange and geode days are good ones for strangers, since your hands are busy. If you'd rather start somewhere low-key, try somewhere quiet in Kitchener.
Astrology reading or life coach?
If you feel stuck, these do different jobs, so here's the honest version.
What are you after?
A reading
A chart or card reading gives you a story and some questions to think with. Nobody has shown it can predict anything. People use it to see their situation from a new angle. Try your free chart, or a private tarot reading with J'aime.
A life coach
A coach helps you set goals and stick to them. It's practical and forward-looking. Anyone in Canada can call themselves a life coach, so ask about training and what a session looks like.
Your doctor or someone you trust
If this has gone on a while or feels too heavy, skip both of the above for now. Talk to your doctor or a counsellor, or tell someone you trust. That's the right first call, and you don't have to be in crisis to make it.
Questions people ask
I feel like I'm outgrowing my friends. Is this a spiritual thing or am I just being a snob?
Probably neither. People change at different speeds, and interests drift apart. Some people find spiritual language useful for that, and some don't. Noticing it doesn't make you a snob.
I feel disconnected and bored but nothing is actually wrong. Is this a spiritual awakening or am I overthinking it?
There's no test for that, and we won't pretend there is. People use all kinds of words for this feeling. A useful next step is the same either way: try one new thing, and tell someone how you're doing.
Should I book an astrology reading or a life coach when I feel stuck?
They do different jobs. A reading gives you a story and some questions to think with. A coach helps you set goals and stick to them. If it feels heavy, start with your doctor or someone you trust.
How do you make friends as an adult?
Go to the same recurring thing several times. Say one small thing to one person each time. On the third or fourth visit, suggest a coffee after.
Can I go to an event at The Rock Space alone?
Yes, you don't need to bring a friend. Check the events page to see what's on, whether it's free or paid, and how to sign up.
Where to next
Where the curious become connected.
Come as you are
You don't need a friend, a plan or a belief. Pick something on the events page, or drop in and hold a few rocks. 396-B Victoria Street North, Kitchener.